Finding a therapist is a bit like dating. You might have to try a few different people before you find the "The One." But how do you know if your current therapist is just challenging you (which is good) or if they are actually a bad fit (which is counterproductive)?
If you've been in therapy for a few months and feel like you're spinning your wheels, or if you leave sessions feeling worse instead of supported, it might be time for a change. Here are 5 red flags that suggest you should look for a new provider.
1. You Don't Feel "Heard" or Understood
The "therapeutic alliance"—the bond between therapist and client—is the single biggest predictor of success in therapy. If you feel like your therapist is constantly misinterpreting you, forgetting key details about your life, or judging your choices, that alliance is broken. You shouldn't have to explain your core identity or values over and over again.
2. They Talk More Than You Do
While some therapies (like CBT) are more directive, the focus should always be on your experience. If your therapist spends half the session talking about their own life, their other clients, or their personal opinions, they are making the session about them. This is a boundary violation and a waste of your time and money.
3. You Feel Judged (Or Not Safe to Be Honest)
If you find yourself "filtering" what you say because you're afraid of your therapist's reaction, the work has stopped. A good therapist creates a non-judgmental "holding space." If you're afraid to admit you relapsed, or that you're having intrusive thoughts, because of how they might look at you, it's time to find someone who makes you feel safe.
4. They Are Unreliable or Distracted
Does your therapist start late and end early? Do they check their phone or watch during your session? Do they cancel last minute without a good reason? Your therapy time is sacred. If they aren't respecting your time, they aren't respecting your recovery.
5. No Clear Goals or Progress
Therapy shouldn't last forever. You should have a general idea of what you're working toward. If you've been going for six months and can't name a single new coping skill you've learned or a shift in your thinking, you might need a different approach (like moving from talk therapy to EMDR or CBT).
Is it time for a fresh start?
Changing therapists can feel daunting, but your mental health is worth it. Most therapists understand that they aren't the right fit for everyone and will even help you find a new provider.
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